Transformer

It came to my attention awhile back that I am not who I used to be. I think it can be said that change comes with age. I have another view on that. Kids transform you, they morph you into a "model citizen". As a parent you are on a stage where everyone is watching you and your kid imitates all they see and hear.

I was driving the car the other day with the baby in the back listening to hard rock...something I don't do often enough. It was then I realized in another couple months I couldn't even do that. Too many swear words or suggestive subjects for the little kid to hear. DAMN! I thought (see I thought, did not say out loud) I am stuck listening to country. I don't mind country, some oh 6+ years ago I would have cringed at the thought.

See, I have morals, somewhere, deep down in the depths of my purse with the fuzzy trident and pacifier that has not been used for 7 months, are my morals. I want my kids to be polite, have manners, not punch people, not swear like mini-thugs, and so far I've managed to keep them "good". Despite my own poor manners, bad mouth and temper-my kids lead a better example, remember I said better-NOT perfect.

In order to have kids that dont swear, etc. I have to be careful and let me tell you, I dislike being a model person. When someone cuts me off on the highway, I NEED to yell GO TO HELL! and give them the finger. I am not sweet by nature, I've always had an attitude problem. I'm not afraid to be an asshole or overly demanding.

So even if you see me telling my kid that they need to apologize to the kid  they just punched-even though that kid took there toy. In my head I am thinking "Sometimes you have to kiss a little ass to get along in life, even if you don't want to. It's how the game of life is played."

It is said that hindsight is 20/20, I am glad, now 6 years later, that I have my son along with his sisters, I like the person they have made me. I just have to find different ways to weave my old self into the mom life I live. I am a double agent.