The Wee Lass' and Pre-Conceived Notions

I have a sick 14 month old residing in my house.

I could just end this post here. I could do that because if you've ever been within 5 feet of a sick child you know how much work it takes to keep your sanity.

I think the nastiest part is watching the kids nose run into its mouth. Yes I wipe it, but wiping the kid’s nose is like trying to duplicate one of Houdini’s routines. Not even possible.

In the process of being sick, ms.chief has learned to climb-she was already a climber, only outside. She has never been locked in the house for any length of time. I am trying to get things done- at the same time getting the babe off the chair, table, away from the attic steps, down from upstairs, out of the bathroom, away from the porch and kept inside each time a big goes outside. Oh yes and away from the garbage can in which she likes to eat from or throw garbage on the floor.

It is in the midst of all of this the hubs wonders aloud what I did all day-I just pretend it is because he's truly interested, not because it looks like a large tornado hit just the inside of our house.

I'll admit there are a lot of days I just want to give up, hand the reins to someone else and run to some random fulltime job. I love taking care of my kids. It's everything else that I dislike; the feeling that no matter what, I can't drill in my hubs head that kid’s play, which is there job. Be thankful toys are all over and they are not glued to some video game, computer or TV all day long. The glue, marker, paper mess will get cleaned up after I clean up spills on aisle 3, 4 and 6.

I won't lie, I enjoy Facebook, freebies, couponing and don't always get everything done, and often the chores don't get done right away because someone wants to play, read, go for a walk or I am tired from the night before of zero sleep. That is just how it is. My job is part work, part play and not often do I get time just to me. When he gets home, he deserves every bit of my attention, just as my kids do. Hubs, you shouldn't feel left out just because I want to go to the store myself, which never happens. Its 20min of just me running in running out, but it's quiet and I can listen to hard rock in the car. I swear if we had a babysitter we could trust and afford, we'd spend more time out. Right now movies on the couch after the kids are in bed with ice cream will have to do.

The whole point is, we have to get over our own ideals for what we think the other person should be doing and just go with what they are doing. We are trying our best each one of us, which is all that should matter.

Gandhi and other freethinkers

Every once in a while, my kids pull a Gandhi on me. Meaning they get all deep and thoughtful on me. Gandhi was what I call a free thinker, he was peaceful and deep. Much like Martin Luther King, Einstein, Van Gogh, they stick out like sore thumbs.

I love this about my children and I encourage them to think for themselves, be who they are inside and never mind what others are doing.

So today at the bus stop. Thing 2, had this to say:

 Daughter " mommy who made all of this?" me "God created us and all of this" Daughter "mommy I don't want to die till I'm old like you" me" you won't die till you're older than me" Daughter "when is that tree going to die" me "whenever it runs out of light, oxygen and water" Daughter "can we have a snack when I get home from school?" me "sure"

Hunger always wins over philosophical thoughts.

Honesty is not always the best policy.

Well, I'm gonna put it out there. Chances are if you read this blog you know me personally. I'm not the most read nor most popular blog on the scene. So I am warning you, this is a graphic post about intimate details every nursing mother has experienced. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PERIODS, PERIOD.



As a nursing mom, Aunt Flo generally doesn't come to visit. She packs her bags and goes to the Bahamas. After a year and 21/2 months (who's counting?) I have shorted the dear Ms.chief to 1 nursing session in the wee hours of the morning.

Who came knocking on my door? Aunt Flo. Quite uninvited really as I was totally unprepared at a place where no pad was in sight. I managed to locate a pad, circa 1970-something, as it had a Styrofoam backing. Not Kidding. You  know the inserts in ground beef packages, that are like a lite Styrofoam? That was the backing of this pad, that and one THIN strip of sticky that was NOT sticky anymore.

When Aunt Flo arrives after a LONG time of NOT arriving, it is nasty, you get the period of a lifetime. It pretty much makes you want to lie in bed and dream you are pregnant again so this IS NOT HAPPENING!

So here I am stranded at a place for several hours with an old pad, cramps to beat hell and oh yes, the shits. I wanted to die.

I also wanted no one to be aware of my plight, I was after all at my in laws. 
I sat in the house praying 1. I didn't leak 2. we could go home soon and 3. that I would not have to Macgyver another pad out of a size 5 baby diaper.

After all that praying, a MIRACLE happened:
FINALLY it came time to go home.

The hour drive in the car was a hot one, all that Styrofoam traps in the heat, causing sweat and even more uncomfortable feelings of agony. Nothing like having a sauna in your crotch.

So... I implore you all women carry a freakin' pad with you at all times. EVEN if you don't think you'll ever need it, you just might come across a desperate lady in need.

I'm gonna go eat my double chocolate pudding with Oreo pieces and climb under my blankets now. Remember expect the unexpected, it could happen to you.

I could NOT live in Seatlle

All this rain, all these kids.

So a quick background on my parenting skills. I cannot cook well, I can bake things out of a box. I can ruin simple store bought craft kits and I cannot draw.

My entertainment for my kids sucks.

SO. It was lightly raining out, winter coats, hats, shoes, and socks I hurled my kids out the door. I had to get the big kid's bikes out of the garage, plus jogging stroller. I promptly set Ms.cheif down, in which she promptly took her shoe off and stomped in a puddle with her sock on, of course while I had my back turned. I locked her in the stroller, shoved put her shoe back on her foot.

By the time I got the big kid bikes out my other two kids were promptly arguing about hats vs. wearing helmets. Hats won.

Halfway down the block my son declared he would only keep riding if we went to the gas station. We live on a side of town that only has gas stations, 2 tire stores, dog grooming, 2 bars, clothing shop and a head shop.

The gas station is our hot spot destination. I quickly reached in my pocket. DAMN $2 was all I had. 3 kids $2, a gas station.

So 6 1/2 some blocks later, 3 plastic cups and 1, 99cent 20oz sun drop soda split 3 ways, I had victory.

 2.4 seconds of peace.

The Calm Before The Storm.

The atmosphere in my house as of late, is messy, chaotic and filled with things MIA. I can't find 3 main components of my house 1 being my keys with the house key attached 2 being my camera, must find before Halloween and 3 some paperwork I really NEED to have.

The house is trashed, toys, clothes, misc. shit laying hap hazzardly discarded from one task to the next. Not a wonder why I can't find the items listed above.

This frankly is the calm before the storm, using the bob the builder towel off the floor after my shower is nothing compared to the next 3 days of terror.

My bigger kids have 3 days off of school, I mean I really tolerate love my kids a lot. School is a great babysitter educator and I love sharing my kids with the teacher each week so they can experience the torture fun I have with them. However isn't it too soon in the school year to give them time off?? I mean couldn't we wait at least until December?



If you don't hear from me by Monday, check the pyscho ward.

Short Life

When I look at my kids, I am grateful for the joy they spread, for the lives they have lived albeit short compared to some. We've moved, a lot, my son is 6 and we've moved at least 5 times. We are not a military family, we've moved due to umforseen circumstances. Landlords raising rent a week before Christmas after my husband lost his job. We've gone through a handful of jobs, houses, cars and bad circumstances.

I always compared the places we've lived, rating them from different points, friends we've made, jobs, parks, school districts, houses we've lived in... as I look back each time I realize what made us happy was our family. Not the awesome park down the street.

We've always had each other. It takes forever to meet people in small towns. Most people have lived in a small town there whole life. They're not open to new people. We've usually spent 2 years or less in a new place. We've lived the longest where we are now.

If it wasn't for my kids and the hubby, I would've been REALLY lonely. They truly are my best friends. I realized this, as my husband left to do a lawn job, I had to struggle to explain why they couldn't go with daddy. They've always gone everywhere we go, I attribute the fact that my kids are smart and well rounded because we take them all over the place.

The experiences they have had outweigh that of an average kid. My son has learned to make friends, learned to find the positive in any situation, so has his 3 year old sister, my wish for them is to grow up and realize we've always tried to give them the best even if we couldn't give them exactly what they wanted.

Life never goes as planned.

The Post where I save my mom's reputation

I love my kids and I try to make sure they make good decent choices. I also try to keep a bunch of crap out of there heads, they can fill their heads with crap later on in life. That is why I don't let my son watch Spongebob. Hell, it takes place in Bikini Bottom.

When I was a kid I liked the song Chantilly Lace by The Big Bopper, my mom really didn't think it was appropriate for me to be singing. It talks about a guy and what kind of women he likes. Inoccent enough, but it makes women look like objects, a message my mom didn't approve.

Flash forward to now. We have these kind of songs: I'm Sexy and I Know it, LMFAO Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, Trace Adkins and a million others.

Most of the time in the car I pop in a cd or listen to country, thus why my daughter was singing "we're never ever getting back together" By Taylor Swift, Country is starting to make me think twice about turning the radio on a good friend of mine told me her son was singing 5-1-5-0 somebody call the po po, at the top of his lungs in the store. hmmm, I rather have my middle daughter screaming "I'm going off the rails of the crazy train! I know things aren't going right for me, you've gotta listen to my words!" By Ozzy. Which she has while in Walmart.

So mom, I thank you for being concerned, I did grow up, and Chantilly Lace did not fuck screw me up, in fact if anything it made me a better mother to my own girls. I let them listen to Ozzy spout these words

"Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate"

 but not these words by  Trace Adkins inHonky Tonk Badonkadonk,

"It's so hard not to stare
At that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma..."

 Ozzy vs. Trace, Ozzy wins by a landslide.

So dear readers what songs make you cover your kids ears?

Life questions

Kids ask questions, too many really, so in honor of my kids questions, this ecard basically sums it all up. Never mind the fact that I am exhausted and my brain has turned off for the day. Here are some super morning quotes from my kids, "I had a fart last night" -Big 1 "it's not morning, it's still dark out, where's the sun?"-Big 2

Time change really screws with little kid heads.

I'm going to go pass out on the couch now.

House Rules, When I lay Down (The Law)

EVERY house has rules. I have house rules, I'm not talking about kid discipline. I have basic things I have to follow in my house or else I end up doing 50 times more work than I normally would.

This topic came up yesterday as the ol'man put more than 2 towels in the washer with a pair of jeans. A HUGE MISTAKE! You do that and the washing machine starts singing Rocket Man and spins its way into space.

The most sacred of my rules is DO NOT put the toilet paper on the holder. Ms. Chief (my 1 year old) will come and spin it like a DJ. The other is DO NOT let the toilet lid up- Ms. Chief has been known to drink toilet water.

So here we go, we'll start at #4 being we've listed 3 rules already.

#4. The clothes washer and dishwasher cannot be run at same time, nor can you give baths, or shower at same time either clothes washer/dishwasher is being run. Not enough hot water.

#5.  Close door if  Big 1 or 2 is bathing in tub. Ms. Chief WILL climb in fully dressed diaper and all.

#6. HIDE ALL step stools.

#7. If you want to eat something without someone else eating off your plate, eat it locked in the bathroom, outside, or in the car.

#8.  Pop Tarts are dessert

#9. ONLY 2 boxes of cereal open at a time or else all hell breaks loose, SAVE box tops

Lastly #10. If you want mom protection, you must help me find my keys, my coffee and let me eat a Pop Tart for Breakfast without complaining you don't get one.

These are just some of the things you need know in order to make it in my house.

Editors Note: Big 1 is my 6yr old son, Big 2 is my 3yr old daughter, Ms. Chief is my 1yr old daughter.



FACEBOOK I'm there, are you?

Sleep and other Fairy Tales.

I have 1 kid that sleeps through the night, unless my 6 year old is sick, or has to use the bathroom, he sleeps all night and gets up early in the morning around 7am unless I wake him for school, then it is 6am. He wasn't always this great of a sleeper. At age 1 1/2-2 he wouldn't go to bed until 1am most nights. This was back when we lived with my in laws ( a story for another time), I would stay up late with him and watch infomercials while rocking him to sleep. When we got our own place, I struggled for months to get him to sleep. Finally I allowed him to take 1 toy from downstairs every night. We closed a baby gate behind him, gave him a night light and told him he could play till he fell asleep. For reasons totally unknown, it worked.

My daughter is 3, at age 9 months she put herself to sleep, at 12months, I weaned her, she still self soothed. BAM! we moved, she stopped putting herself to sleep. I rocked her to sleep. At age 2 she potty trained herself and started putting herself to sleep....oh wait FAIRY TALE.

Sleep is still a battle. She can fall asleep herself, after 1 bowl of cereal, tooth brushing, glass of water, 3 stories, lamp left on so she can read a pile of books, then gets up 6 times to tell us something, and usually wakes her baby sister at least once. I go to bed once I get the 1 year old asleep and yet sometime in the night my 3 year old pops up and needs something.

I am telling you all this, because out there somewhere there is someone who gets it. Someone who has tried sleep training, someone that knows letting the kid in the crib doesn't always work. Someone who knows that moving can fuck up all the best sleepers.

 I am TIRED, I suck down cups of coffee everyday so I can be a human. My 1 year old is STILL being nursed, I haven't had the heart to wean her, she's going on 14 months. She doesn't sleep through the night either, she wakes up at least twice...LIE, she really wakes up 3-4 times a night.

These are the things I WISH my parents would have told me, along with potty training, and laundry.  Getting the laundry done is another fairy tale, it NEVER happens. Having clean clothes in your closet, not on the floor and clothes that aren't stained are another fairy tale. We haven't really changed the dress code of motherhood, my mom said my Grandma used to wear *Mumus, or a floral printed dress. Simply an excuse not to wear  underwear because you don't have any clean. Not too mention with a floral print that large who can find a stain!? A lot of mothers wear yoga pants, I know I do, my jeans are always dirty. Yoga pants are a step above PJ's and somehow became acceptable to wear in public (I try not to wear them in public).

I am not looking for answers. I just know in my heart as a mother, sleep is a fairy tale, sleep comes in the night to those who are weary. Then the weary have children and like thieves, the children awake in the night, stealing the bounty of sleep the weary once had. Laundry, again never is done, kids spill, spit up, poop in there pants and roll in the dirt in the driveway...well at least mine do.

I know Fairy Tales come with parenthood, we pass theses stories on. Stories of kids sleeping through the night, not wetting the bed after being potty trained, never feeding them junk food and letting them watch too much TV. Why?

Deep down we know every kid is different, every person is different, what worked for the 1st kid you had most likely won't work for the 2nd, 3rd or so on down the line. We as parents don't want to look bad, so we lie to our peers, fellow mothers and fathers. If we quit spreading fairy tales, we could better help each other, maybe we all could get a little more sleep.

I quit lying years ago, my daughter isn't weaned, she is 14 months, my son didn't potty train till 1 week before preschool, my oldest daughter is 3, I let her listen to Ozzy Osbourne and chew gum. OH THE HORROR! There are a lot more things that I let my kids do that some would object to. Other things, like not letting them watch TV, or the 6 o'clock news are just a little strict or silly to some.

All I'm saying is that these parental fairy tales are a crock of shit. We need to stop telling stories and instead tell the truth. The truth is, if you want a perfect parent, you've come to the wrong place, I'm just a parent, not a superhero. Now where in the hell is my coffee?

*( See Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muumuu).

Find The Dirty Dish on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/thedirtydishpage

Transformer

It came to my attention awhile back that I am not who I used to be. I think it can be said that change comes with age. I have another view on that. Kids transform you, they morph you into a "model citizen". As a parent you are on a stage where everyone is watching you and your kid imitates all they see and hear.

I was driving the car the other day with the baby in the back listening to hard rock...something I don't do often enough. It was then I realized in another couple months I couldn't even do that. Too many swear words or suggestive subjects for the little kid to hear. DAMN! I thought (see I thought, did not say out loud) I am stuck listening to country. I don't mind country, some oh 6+ years ago I would have cringed at the thought.

See, I have morals, somewhere, deep down in the depths of my purse with the fuzzy trident and pacifier that has not been used for 7 months, are my morals. I want my kids to be polite, have manners, not punch people, not swear like mini-thugs, and so far I've managed to keep them "good". Despite my own poor manners, bad mouth and temper-my kids lead a better example, remember I said better-NOT perfect.

In order to have kids that dont swear, etc. I have to be careful and let me tell you, I dislike being a model person. When someone cuts me off on the highway, I NEED to yell GO TO HELL! and give them the finger. I am not sweet by nature, I've always had an attitude problem. I'm not afraid to be an asshole or overly demanding.

So even if you see me telling my kid that they need to apologize to the kid  they just punched-even though that kid took there toy. In my head I am thinking "Sometimes you have to kiss a little ass to get along in life, even if you don't want to. It's how the game of life is played."

It is said that hindsight is 20/20, I am glad, now 6 years later, that I have my son along with his sisters, I like the person they have made me. I just have to find different ways to weave my old self into the mom life I live. I am a double agent.

Birthday Blowout

I never expanded on the fact that I have 3 kids, My oldest, 6, is a boy, the middle, 3, a girl, the youngest, 1, also a girl. Having kids is an expense I am happy to have, despite all the frustrations and mess, I love my kids.

Love comes in many forms, support, caring, listening, playing....the list goes on.

My sons 6th Birthday is today (Happy Birthday Kid!), earlier in the school year he was invited to a Birthday Party at a local indoor playground. Every kid in the class was invited, normal for his age group. I let him go to the party despite not knowing the parents very well, in life you have to meet people and make friends, this is how you do it. Getting out of your comfort zone.

My son, of course after attending that party,wanted a large party and to invite the whole class,etc. Here is where I get to act my  age.

WHEN I WAS A KID....we had parties at each others house if we were lucky, or we had one friend over, had a special dinner and cake. Not Chuck E. Cheese, The YMCA etc. never mind we never had those where we grew up and we lack that where we currently reside, we do have a Y type facilty that is really expensive.

Beside the when I was a kid, I explained that it costs actual money, like $100, add that to cake, gifts, plates, decorations and party favors you're at more like $150-$200.  The husband and I did disagree on this, he wanted a party for him, I wanted to be reasonable and rational. The last year we didnt have a good party turn out or any RSVPs, I did not want to repeat another blunder, that said.

Love, does not come in the form of money. I listened to what my son wanted, I said NO. Instead he is going to a free event where his friends will be, a homemade cake, used gifts and $1 fast food hamburger dinner (His Fav.) is just as good.

It's special, it's affordable, it's memorable and I can afford it. I wouldn't buy him a $100 gift at 6 years of age, why would I spend that on a party? It's just too much.

I love my kids, I want them to learn when too much is too much and to live within there means, a lesson not often taught.

Time Outs For Everyone

I suppose an introduction is at hand. My name is Kat and I am a stay at home mom. SAHM as in same as in everything is always the same, there is still food in my hair, the dishes are still on the counter and nobody wants to eat what I make for dinner. I have 3 kids, ages 6,3, and 1.

I probably swear too much, actually, I know I swear too much, I hate mornings, I am disorganized, forgetful and I have no idea how I make it in this world, especially seeing as I drag 3 kids EVERYWHERE.

I am starting this blog, simply because I don't have a place to put all the stuff that runs through my head all day.

So take a time out, sit down and get the dirty dish on motherhood from someone else, at least you get to sit.